Not real gunshots, of course, as the blaring battle was on COD, but it was vivid enough to tear me violently from sleep. At first, I was a bit aggravated that the game was so loud, and that my boyfriend was yelling at it even louder. Who wouldn't be annoyed? Then it hit me that I have mere weeks left with him. Come the beginning of September, he's gone again. He'll be home in England, and I will be alone in my new place. No parents, no sister, no boyfriend - no one.
It occurred to me for the first time today that, whether I like it or not, I will be utterly alone with nothing but my shadow to solace me before I know it. Should that make me excited, being on my own? Am I meant to be despairing? I don't know, really. Moving out, going to university, being an independent adult with responsibility to no one but yourself; all of these things are what I thought teenagers were supposed to want. Now that those things are nearly upon me, I don't. Can't I just crawl into a warm little burrow and hide away? Then people can leave tasty snacks outside of my burrow... hole? Whatever, they can leave them and I can waddle into nearby streams to bathe and lie in the sun above my burrow when it's warm and there will be plenty of mud to build a defensive wall around my new home and everything. Why does that sound suspiciously like a fox? Hmm... I guess I've found my true species.
(I know, my Paint skills are quite impressive.)
Ultimately, there's no avoiding anything, no matter how desperately I may want to. Maybe it's all a good thing, you know? To be alone and on your own is one thing, but to be on your own and have support from people you care about, that's something far, far greater. Something I can deal with.
I think what I'll miss most is the comfort of having familiar people around, people that love me, that I can depend on, that I trust. I mean, on prom night, I didn't have a date (since the boyfriend is from across the ocean and all), so my mom and a friend of hers helped me get ready, even going as far as spraying three entire cans of hairspray onto my braid and doing and redoing my dress. I had handmaidens.
(See the remnants of a sole surviving can?? Didn't last long)
They worked incredibly hard so that I would feel like an absolute princess on prom night, and I did. Why do I have to leeeeeeeeeeeeeave??
But enough of my scaredy-cat ranting. I need your help! How shall I decorate this new house? Right now it has neon yellow and red walls. Neon. Yellow. WALLS. Not to sound too prudish but I don't actually want to sleep inside anything that's going to burn my damn eyes out of their sockets every time I walk in when there's sunlight. What if I turned on an overhead light and it was nighttime? I WOULD GO BLIND BEFORE I GOT TO MAKE THE HOUSE ADORABLE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Can't let it happen.
Since it will just be me, a gyaru theme seems kind of nice. I myself am not a gyaru (unfortunately) but how adorable would a Liz Lisa or lilac floral theme be? I could step out of a rose-scented bath onto a plush pink rug and wrap myself in a princess towel in my princess bathroom filled with girly, gyaru things. ヾ(＠°▽°＠)ﾉ Heheheh.
On another note, my month-long trip to England is coming to a close. The boyfriend will be coming back to the states with me for a month, but it will be painful to leave this place. To immortalize it, I've decided to dump a shitload of pictures of my incredible time here!
(HAHAHAHAHHAHA yes, pizza is that important to me!!)
This thing was in an arcade on the coast. I have seen hot drinks in a vending machine in the US, so it wasn't initially anything out of the ordinary. Absent-mindedly, I allowed my eyes to scan the contents of the machine.
"Hmm, hot chocolate, tea, coffee, ohh even a latte... Is... is that soup?" WHY ARE YOU SELLING VEGETABLE SOUP OUT OF A METAL BOX THAT'S INSTALLED INTO A WALL? I can understand a hot drink, but something with ingredients that should be fresh, or at least not rotting away in a WALL?? I sound so critical of England. I'm not, things like this are just so odd to me.
(A friend's stunning view from her bedroom!!)
(Me being a damn fine pirate. My boyfriend won't let me put his pirate-photo on this blog!! So you'll just have to imagine it.)
(I'm really going to miss staying up until 4 AM playing games with him)
Okay, that was a pretty tiny amount of picspam... a mini shitload? These are only a few of my favorite photos. Hope that you enjoyed reading, I'm off to listen to some more JYJ and TVXQ because I CANNOT STOP. ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)